iDrool

POSTED BY HA

The mortification of waking up having drooled on Mr Husband’s arm was too much. I had to write about it. As I’m still cringing hours later, I’m hoping this will be therapeutic for me. 

This (and other “human” behaviours) may not be a big deal in some marriages. Who knows, maybe 10 years down the line it won’t be to me either! But for the moment, I think we’re still in that relatively composed phase. I mean I would not burp/belch in front of him (ever… not 10, 100, or even 1,000 years down the line!) and he doesn’t do your typical disgusting manly things in front of me either (like fart, ew. I’m not uptight I promise. I just have major issues with public gassy exchanges, as well as other uncomposed behaviours).

So when I discovered I had drooled on him last night… what can I say, I’ve been very disturbed since! As with all other disturbing instances in life, I turned to my friends immediately. A quick email later, I discovered that IR has been there, done that (sorry for outing you IR by the way). And I’m wondering, what other weirdo uncontrollable behaviours are we doing in our sleep that we don’t even realise?! 

I know I used to grind my teeth! I don’t anymore, thank God. But when I used to share a room with my mum many moons ago, I remember once she got up, walked over to my bed and SLAPPED me in my sleep to make me stop! By the way, my mum is a super gentle person, so the slapping just goes to show how bad the grinding was. Needless to say, we stopped sharing a room soon afterwards.

But apart from that (and the common embarrassing sleep problem: snoring—which I don’t do…yet), what other sleep “disorders” are there out there? (And how many are my friends guilty of? That’s what I’m curious about!) 

I Wikipedia’d this:

• Periodic Limb Movement Disorder (oh my god this one may be less embarrassing more useful to use if your partner annoys u… a karate-chop or strategic kick in bed could be followed by “oh I’m so sorry, I think I suffer from PLMD!!!” You see why this post is important?)
• Somniphobia (fear of sleep) I’m going to be suffering from that soon, if I have even one more drooling incident! 
• Sleep walking. You know what, I’ve never really taken this one THAT seriously before but apparently, people have been acquitted of murdering their wives, mistresses, even mothers-in-law using the “sleepwalking defence!”

Anyway, back to my drooling problem, I am going to sleep with my hand forever tucked under my cheek from now, so I can catch any unwanted saliva in future! Alternatively, I’m going to see if there are any hypnotherapists near me and ask them to hypnotize my mouth into never, ever misbehaving and embarrassing me like that again.